1001 Things More Enjoyable Then Reading The Eight Doctors (part one)
1. Being frightened by Sonny Caldinez.
2. Elephantitis of the nuts.
3. Looking forward to sharing a jacuzzi with Zoe Ball, only to discover it's Johnny Ball who'll be soaping your back.
4. Tom Baker on Have I Got News For You.
5. Making a complete arse of yourself in front of the editor of DWM (Or bareing your ar...NEXT!)
6. The videoplus not taping The Reptile starring Jacqueline Pearce.
7. Late Lunch.
8. Shaft In Africa.
9. Coming out at a major convention.
10. Losing 800Mb of data in a hard drive crash and not being able to get Kate Orman to finish the job.
11. Ordering BHFH #1...twice.
12. [Omitted for reasons of taste and possible legal action]
13. Working at Burger King.
14. Watching I Was A Doctor Who Monster twenty times.
15. Having to give a million quid back to Bernie Ecclestone.
16. Suddenly realising you find Captain Janeway's voice really sexy.
17. Food Poisoning.
19. Wondering what happened to number 18
20. Being boiled alive in a pot of lobsters who keep pinching your nuts. (And we don't mean KP)
21. Watching Time And The Rani.
22. Trying to watch Japanese anime with no dubbing and no subtitles.
23. Deja vu.
23. Deja vu.
24. Battering Barry Letts to death with a large Buddha for writing utterly crap radio plays.
25. Finding a Yeti on your loo, not necessarily in Tooting Bec.
26. The Beast Must Die.
23. Deja vu.
27. Trying to find someone who can act in Mortal Kombat : Annihilation. (You won't. It's still a fun movie though.)
28. Armadillo liberation
29. Loaning someone a book and getting it back in a generally crap condition.
30. Losing your glasses under six feet of mud at T In The Park.
31. Expecting to share a jacuzzi with Winona Ryder only to discover it's Shaun Ryder who'll be soaping your back.
32. The Mutations.
33. Suddenly realising you find Captain Janeway really sexy.
23. Deja vu.
34. Writing an article about the ‘overt lesbian overtones’ in Survival.
35. Trying to get to sleep in a car with four other people in a car park in Llangollen, Wales at three a.m.
36. Listening to Jon Pertwee singing a six-minute long love song.
37. Navigating Coventry city centre.
38. Getting chatted up by a Who celebrity of the same sex.
39. Knocking a half-eaten Pot Noodle onto someone's jacket and then not telling them it was you.
40. Setting fire to the DAPOL factory because their figures are cack.
41. Expecting to share a jacuzzi with Mimi Rogers only to discover it'll be Ted Rogers who'll be soaping your back.
42. Abbington motorway services.
43. Being physically sick after reading a short story by Poppy Z. Brite.
44. Playing Doctor Who : Dalek Attack.
45. The CD-ROM drive on the PC refusing to realise there's a CD in it.
46. Expecting to share a jacuzzi with Toni Halliday only to discover it'll be Tony Hadley who'll be soaping your back.
47. Tom Baker reads 'Gremlins'.
48. Having a PC that's breaking down bit by bit by bit. (We reckon the video card will be next to go.)
49. Playing Doctor Who And The Mines Of Terror
23. Deja Vu.
50. Arguing about whether Morbius is furry or not.
51. Food poisoning.
18. Oh, here it is.
52. Vault Of Horror.
53. Stating to someone's face that 'Terror Of The Zygons' is the only Doctor Who story set in Scotland.
54. Writing all this rubbish because no-one else could be arsed contributing.
55. Starting a letter to a female fanzine editor starting "Dear Mister...".
56. Thinking Ray Cusick is dead,and being surprised when he attends the opening of an exhibition in Kilmarnock.
57. Wondering if Gary Russell is Ken Russell's son.
58. Arguing about whether or not you see Tom Baker's bare arse in 'Life And Loves Of A She-Devil'.
59. Ritually burning a copy of The Eight Doctors, at Abbington services.
60. Ok, so it wasn’t the video card, it was the CD drive...again...second time in six weeks. Arse.
62. Expecting to share a jacuzzi with Jeri Ryan only to discover it'll be Jerry Springer who'll be soaping your back.
63. Trying to explain the revelations in Lungbarrow to someone who has only read the first four New Adventures.
64. The Doctor Who fruit machine.
65. Orbital getting a couple of thousand people dancing to the Who theme at Glastonbury.
68. The werewolf break.
69 Listening to Closure in the car back from Coventry and wanting to end it all there and then.
70. Cutting your fingers on a tomato cutter in the Burger King kitchen.
71. Richard Madeley.
73. Attempting to fit Doctor Who:Dalek Attack into continuity, while accounting for being able to choose fom three different Doctors.
74. While drunk,trying to explain to another drunk person how the TARDIS can be bigger inside than out, using two different sized video cases as visual aids.
75. Fran Drescher's laugh, on a tape loop, ad infinitum, over the speaker of a lift stuck between floors.
77. Scotland not qualifiying for Euro 2000.
79. Licky End.
80. Autograph queues at conventions.
81. A swift kick in the bollocks.
82. Nearly knocking yourself out slipping out of the bath at a convention.
83. The mind probe.
84. The Brannon Braga MacGuffin-O-Tron [tm]
85. Getting cramp in your leg, when you're stuck in one of those hotel beds where everything's tucked in and you can't just leap out, suffering ten seconds of agonising pain.
86. Jason Of Star Command.
87. Space:1999 season two.
88. Cheese grater on nether regions.
23. Deja Vu.
to be continued...